forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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