people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
