this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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