She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
