just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I AM VODKA MAN
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
