Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
