Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize