Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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