WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
