sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
