that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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