one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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