Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
