If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize