how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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