How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize