Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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