it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
