so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
