How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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