dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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