Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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