hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
