New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
