Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
