I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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