Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
