real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
what day is it and did you see me today?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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