i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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