dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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