She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
