If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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