it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
