fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
