alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
