chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
