just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
