When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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