Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
