it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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