I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
