The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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