i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My liver just had a heart attack.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
