I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Randomize
