I like to think it a success when the cops are called
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
