Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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