this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
