About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
