every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
