As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
