My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
