how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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