Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
