She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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