he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
