Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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