You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Randomize
