does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
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I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"