Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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