I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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