I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize