There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
