Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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