I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
