its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
