need another drink. this is the easiest way
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
