I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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