All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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