My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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