but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
