yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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