Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
do nipples grow back?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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