Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
