this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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