who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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