I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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