I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
